In My Life
by chezchuckles
Summary: a Dash companion - fourth in the Life series
1. Chapter 1

**In My Life**

* * *

**a Dash companion (fourth in the Life series)**

* * *

_And I know I'll never lose affection_  
_For people and things that went before. . .__  
_

_But in my life_  
_I've loved you more_

_-In My Life, Crosby Stills & Nash_

* * *

Castle gets another text from Alexis but he can't answer it just yet. He forwards it to Kate, hopes she understand that someone needs to get in touch with his daughter.

He shoves the phone down into his pocket and straightens up in his chair, trying to look like he's paying attention. He's been promising Gina he would do this meet and greet thing for the last three months, and Kate has finally forced him to honor his agreement.

"Mr. Castle, here's Cooper West with-"

Castle stands, shakes the man's hand. "Yeah, yeah. I remember you. Thanks for coming."

The journalist nods to the handler, glances over to Castle with a smile. "Thank you for doing this. I hear it was like pulling teeth to get you away from your family?"

Castle chuckles at that, sits back down as he offers the man a seat. "Something like that."

"Ah, is the family off the table?"

Is it? Kate's been the one to push them further into the spotlight lately, but he's not sure how comfortable he is with it. "Feel free to ask questions, so long as you don't mind if I don't answer some."

Cooper nods, pulls out his recorder and places it on the table between them. "First of all. The book. Pretty intense. The Carver?"

* * *

Beckett puts her hands on her hips as she studies the board, chewing on her bottom lip. Castle is at some press relations thing and . . .she. . .is . . .stuck.

So not fair. He might not be a regular in his chair anymore, but she can always rely on him for a crazy theory. Just not today.

"Ryan, what about-"

Oh crap. She pulls her phone out and glances at it, another text from Castle about Alexis. She should really call their daughter, if it's this many in the last hour. Why isn't Alexis texting Kate though? Surely the girl knows she can text her for anything?

"What, boss?"

She glances up, surprised to find Ryan at her three. "Uh. Oh, yeah. Can you get Esposito and run down the boyfriend? I wanna talk to him again."

"Yeah, sure."

"I need to make a call, so come find me when you get back."

"Got it." Ryan heads off, snagging Esposito who has just come out of the break room with a mug of coffee. Beckett runs her hand over her stomach, smoothing her shirt as she glances at her phone and the text Castle forward her:

_I don't know what to do. It's all a mess. I need Mom._

* * *

Castle takes a break at two and shakes the hand of the journalist as he leaves. The room is stuffy, but Castle opens up a bottle of water and takes a sip just as his phone vibrates. He pulls it out and sees her ID, answers immediately.

"Hey babe."

"Don't babe me," she huffs.

"You sound rushed. What's up?" At the window, he takes another swig of his water and glances out over the city, hoping to spot a landmark he knows. But he can't see the apartment from here, or the precinct. There's the park though.

"I'm - well, Castle - I'm getting on a plane in two hours."

"You what?" he sputters. Water soaks his dress shirt and he sighs down at himself. "What do you mean? You're getting on a plane?"

"Yeah. I called my dad to pick up Dash if you can't-"

"I can. I will. Whoa, wait. That's like in an hour. Kate. Why are you leaving?"

She laughs lightly over the line, a barely suppressed hum to her voice. "Not leaving, Castle. Alexis and Ashley broke up. I'm heading out to Chicago."

"But you're six months pregnant."

"So? And it's barely just."

He shuts his mouth. "Okay. Um. All right. I'll pick up Dash; we'll have guy's night. Week?"

"I don't know how long, Rick. Until Alexis feels okay again."

"She breaks up with Ashley every other month-"

"This time it's for good."

He sighs, rubs his forehead as he stares out the window. "Okay. I - I'll miss you. Both."

"You'll be fine. You and Dash will wreck the place and eat marshmallow omelette things and-"

"Smorelettes, babe. They have a name."

"You babe me one more time and I'm in Chicago for the rest of the week."

He gasps. "You wouldn't." She's absolutely silent on the other end. "You would?"

"I'm kinda kidding, but actually. If Alexis needs me-"

"No, yeah. Yeah. Stay with my kid. I'll stay with yours."

She laughs on the other end and he grins into the blue sky outside the conference room window. She sounds good. She sounds happy even if rushed. He likes that.

"Hey, how's Baby K?"

He can practically hear her soften on the other end. "She's quiet today."

"No hiccups?"

"Not today," she hums. "But you want me to call you if they happen again without you?"

"Don't rub it in," he sighs. He's missed the hiccups every single time.

"All right, Rick. Don't forget Dash. I'm getting a cab to the airport."

"Bye, babe."

"Uh-huh."

* * *

Dashiell does his little duck walk as he comes out of his classroom, his backpack hitting his butt as he heads down the hall. Castle peeks around the corner to watch his kid, keeping himself hidden as the boy clutches the straps of his bag and talks animatedly with the blonde girl next to him.

It's not entirely all in English. But that's okay. Seems to work for him.

"Hey, my man."

Dash's head perks up and he grins widely, then comes running for his father, arms out, head butting Castle's knees. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy."

"Hey there, Dashiell. Did you have a good day?"

Dash's face comes up from his father's slacks, a split-faced smile under his thick hair. "Good day! All mine good days."

Castle bends down and cups the back of the kid's head, kisses his cheek. "All right, my man. Ready to head home? Got the car outside."

"Play batman, Daddy."

"Sure, we can play Batman."

"And spidey."

"And Spiderman."

"And-"

"We'll make a list," he laughs, moving the kid towards the front door. Dash is off-balanced by the backpack, but Castle knows that if he takes it off, the kid will go running. Best to keep him off-balanced.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, buddy?" He holds the door open for Dashiell, and herds him down the steps to the waiting town car.

"I can have toast?"

"For snack? Sure. Tote all around."

Dash skips through the parking lot, tugging on his father's hand. "Yay! Tote! I say toast. But I say tote before."

"You did. And Mommy and I thought it was cute, so we keep saying it. Probably shouldn't do that, right?"

"Where Mommy? She workin'?"

"She went to go visit Alexis."

"My Issis?"

"Yeah. In Chicago, remember? She got on a plane and is flying to Chicago."

"I can have nutella on my toast?" Dashiell bounces on his toes as he waits by the back door. The driver has started to get out, but Castle waves him off and opens the door himself, helps Dash up.

"We'll have nutella on our toast, yep."

"How 'bout marshy-mellows?"

"Yeah, kiddo. You can have those. Mommy thought you'd want some, so she gave us permission in advance."

"Permish. In vans."

"Sure."

Castle closes the door on both of them, hoists the kid into the car seat before helping Dash shrug off his backpack. It costs extra to get the car service to also provide the car seat, but Kate only rolls her eyes and gets back at him by taking the kid on the subway. Fine. Whatever.

"Daddy, where Mommy?"

"In Chicago, remember? We can call her in a little while."

"Okay. Toast and nutella and marshy-mellows, and oooh, Daddy!"

Castle grins at the sudden delight in the kid's voice, glances up at his face as he clicks the safety restraint into place. "Yeah, wild man? What is it?"

"You get me stories."

"I can what?"

"All mine stories, Daddy. Read me?"

His chest tightens at the excitement on the kid's face. That Dash wants stories rather than video games or television or spiderman (though he's sure that will come too) - it makes him think maybe he's not doing so badly with the kid even if he is at preschool three days a week.

"I'll read to you, yeah. Which story did you want to do first?"

"Um, um, um - oh. The one with flying."

Oh-kay. He'll have to figure that one out when they get home.

"Sure, buddy. The one with flying."

"Like Mommy."

Oh. Wow. Smart kid. Sometimes Dashiell is really just _on._

* * *

Kate pulls her phone out the moment the plane lands, calls him before she calls Alexis.

"You thought I forgot him?" Castle answers.

"Crazy man. No. Maybe."

"Good flight?" he laughs.

"Boring."

"You didn't bring a book?"

"Couldn't find anything to read."

"That's like an arrow through my heart," he groans. She laughs at that and follows the signs overhead for the bathroom. It's been a while since she was in the Chicago-O'Hare airport, but surely there is a women's restroom closer than this?

"I need one of those things," she mutters, sliding around a slow-moving old man to pick up the moving sidewalk.

"Uh, things?"

"Those golf cart things that honk at people."

She hears him laugh again. "People too slow for you?"

"So very," she sighs and has to wait behind a large group of Europeans chatting in German; their packs rest on the handrails. Her bladder is just not going to hold. It really won't. This is interminable.

"You calling me for a reason?"

"Just wanted to say I got in. What are you and the wild man doing?"

"Uh, eating dinner."

She taps a foot, scrapes a hand through her hair. She _really_ has to pee and these people don't seem to understand that you can't make a pregnant woman wait.

"Castle, you fed him nutella didn't you?"

"And peas."

"You got him to eat peas?" she gasps. Even if she has to smother the things in nutella-

He sighs. "No. He threw them off the table in disdain."

She barks on a laugh and bites her bottom lip when the group turns to look at her. Kate raises an eyebrow, draws a hand over her belly purposefully, and the group parts like a wave.

"Ha," she murmurs as she moves through them. "I so love being pregnant."

His startled laugh over the line sounds delicious. Arg. Everything he does makes her whole body spark like a live wire. It is so not fair.

"Wanna elaborate on that?" he says with a low chuckle that causes her belly to tighten. "Cause just yesterday, I could swear you said the opposite."

"It makes a path, that's all," she growls back at him.

"Whew, okay Momma Bear. What's up with you?"

"Hush, Castle," she mutters, heading for the bathroom she can see now. "I have to go to the bathroom-"

"Of course you do. Should've realized."

"I'm almost there. So say good-bye. And say you love me," she finishes.

"Always."

She hangs up and just makes it to the bathroom.

* * *

His phone rings again while he's trying to feed Dash dinner and he nearly ignores it. He can see it's Gina even from over here, and he really doesn't feel like explaining why he ditched the rest of her media meet-and-greet stuff.

But Dashiell is steadfastly ignoring the peas and mashed potatoes his father has made for him, and only eating the chicken. Which is weird, because it's leftover from the dinner Martha made them last night and it's spicy. And yet Dash seems to love it.

Castle was running out of ideas, and after Kate's phone call, he knew he couldn't let the kid only eat nutella on toast. But what kid doesn't love mashed potatoes (even if there are peas sneaked inside them)?

He sntaches up his phone and answers, feeling guilty. He owes Gina. And she knows it.

"Hey, Rick."

"Hey, Gina. Sorry about today. I know I cut it short-"

"I talked with Paula, don't worry. You think I'm not used to you doing what you want? Besides, Kate gave us some good candid photos we can spread to the various magazines. It's all good."

Kate did what? "When did Kate-"

"This was a few weeks ago. She figured you'd be more inclined to answer questions if you knew she was on board. Look, this call actually isn't about you ditching the journalists."

"It's not?" He paces back to Dashiell and feels his bare toes squash a couple of peas. Gross. "Dash - buddy, eat the peas. Don't throw them."

Dashiell yammers away around his fork, then flings it out with a grin. He turns two at the end of the month and in some ways, he still acts like a one year old. Annoying. Although, the kid talks like a two year old - all the time.

"It's about the journalist you met first this morning. Cooper? I think you've met him before-"

"Yeah, I have actually. Cooper West. What about him?"

"He talked with me a little bit after the interview, Rick. His son has some learning issues, a disability I guess-"

Castle's heart lifts. "Yeah?"

"-and he said, just based solely on the way you talked about Dash in the interview-"

"That stuff was off the record-"

"No, no, it's not going in an article. He meant to tell you himself, but he says you guys got carried away talking, and he wanted you to know that he sees some stuff in Dash that he saw in his son-"

He grabs a napkin and wipes peas off his toes, but his heart is pounding. "Like what?"

"A couple things. The light sensitivity. The constant running. The sleeplessness."

"Yeah. That's - those are the things Dr. DeLameran was talking to us about."

"I know. You've told me some of this. And I know you've been doing some research, Kate said. Cooper's son has what he called a sensory issue - some actual thing; I don't know what it is. The more he talked about his kid, the more it sounds like Dash. He wanted you to know that his son's therapist-"

"Therapist?" A person. Actual therapy to help?

"Behavioral therapist. She helps his son integrate his environment-"

"Oh God." His knees won't hold up, but he catches the edge of the dining room table and sinks into a chair, his eyes on his son. Dashiell is flinging peas around the room even while he chews on his spicy chicken. It's really spicy. He remembers that it made his lips burn and his mother whacked the back of his head for hamming it up.

Kate liked it. She said it was good spicy. Dash - Dash seems to-

"Rick?"

"I'm here."

"It's not the end of the world. It's not even that something is wrong with him."

"There's nothing wrong with him," he says quietly. "He just needs some help. If there's help out there-"

"Exactly," Gina says. "Just some help. Cooper left me the name and number of his kid's therapist if you want to-"

"Yes," he says, breathless, getting to his feet. He just needs - he hasn't been able to get very far on his own, and he's not thrilled about getting the state involved in diagnosing his kid for services when he can pay for things on his own. "Yeah. I'd love it. And you've got contact info for Cooper as well, right?"

"I'll give you that too. I'll email it to you, plus a few of the things he said - some of the terms he used. Should help in your research at least."

"Yeah. Wow. Gina. This is - this is amazing. Kate has - we've been trying to figure out what to do ever since - I just-" He swallows hard and sits back down in the chair, eyes riveted to Dashiell.

"Hey. No problem. I might be just your publisher, but-"

"No. More than that. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she says gently. More gentleness in her voice than he's ever heard in the time he's known her. "You've got great kids, Rick. And Kate's exactly what you need. I've got a vested interest in keeping that going, you hear me?"

He laughs at that and closes his eyes; it would be so not cool to cry right now. Even if it is in relief. "Send me that info?"

"Check your email. Already done."

* * *

"Hey," she says quietly.

Castle puts the phone on speaker and slides it into his shirt pocket, hoists Dashiell up onto his hip. "Hey Mommy. Good timing. Just about to put Dash to bed."

"I was afraid of that."

He checks the clock on the oven and laughs. "Yeah, well. You love me anyway."

"Always," she murmurs, and her voice is soft, tender.

"Well, we've been having fun-"

"We have fun, Mommy!" Dash yells towards the phone, leaning into his father and knocking heads.

"Ow. Careful, buddy."

"Careful, buddy," he repeats, bouncing in Castle's arms. "Mommy, a story. Read me! Read me a story, Mommy."

"Well, someone's vocabulary sharply declines after eight, doesn't it?" Kate laughs.

"Thanks. We've had a full afternoon. Just a little tired." Castle gets a better grip on his son and mounts the stairs. "How's Alexis?"

"She's okay. She's in bed too, actually."

"She's in bed?" he worries. "Kate-"

"She's with me, Castle. In bed with me. I didn't leave her alone." Her admonishment sounds light over the phone, like she's laughing at him. If only she knew the phone call he had-

"Hey, Dad. Mom's taking care of me. And there's no way I'm letting her sleep on the floor."

The sound of his daughter's voice, a little dry, does actually make him feel better. He smiles down at Dash, kisses his damp forehead. "Well, we've already had bath and a little extra playtime, so we're ready for bed too."

"Read me, Mommy," Dashiell says pitifully, rubbing his face into Castle's shirt. "Issis, read me."

"We will. We'll all take turns, baby."

"Hear that, wild man? Everyone will tell you a story. Oh hey, Kate? I have stuff to tell you after this."

"Oh? Okay. Good stuff?"

"Maybe so. Now. Bedtime." He pushes open the door to Dashiell's dark room with his shoulder, strides to the bed, and body slams the kid into the mattress. Dash squirms and laughs, reaches his hands out for the phone.

"Read me, Mommy."

"All right, wild man." He shakes his head at his kid and tugs the blankets out from under him, then crawls into bed with him too. He pulls the covers up and kisses Dash's forehead. "Look at this. Me and Dash in one bed, and Mommy and Alexis in another."

"Aw, cute, Castle."

"Hush."

"Cute, Daddy. We so cute." Dashiell turns his head in the darkness to see his father, grinning from ear to ear, and slaps his hand on Castle's cheek. "Let me talk."

"Oh-ho, kid is demanding," Kate laughs. "Give the phone over, Castle."

He fishes it out of his pocket and hands his phone to Dash, helps him position it at his ear, and then watches while Dashiell listens to his mother on the other end, his eyes so bright and filled with whatever story she's telling him, whatever secret magic she whispers to him.

She'll do the same to the baby girl, he knows, and that little thing will respond just like this - with the wonder and stillness of being known. Being loved.

Castle draws his hand over Dash's still-wet hair, the curls already gone now that it's thicker. He's got a good kid. He just needs a little help.

* * *

"Eyes closed?"

"Closed, Mommy."

She smiles over at Alexis - Allie - in the darkness of the girl's room; her apartment in Chicago doesn't feel so very far away anymore. They're both in bed under the covers, the phone on speaker between them, and Dashiell's little voice comes out thin and sleepy.

"Keep 'em closed, bubba," Alexis whispers.

"I close 'em. I promise."

"He's doing good," Castle interrupts softly.

"Okay, now, back to the story," Kate says, lifting her head up onto her palm and trying not to jostle the phone. "After Daddy caught the baseball-"

"My ball."

"Mm, mouth closed too, baby."

There's a long silence and Allie's lips twitch; she presses her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing, her eyes shining. Finally. Kate was afraid she wouldn't get the girl to laugh so soon. Maybe she's known this break-up with Ashley was coming for a long time now.

"The whole crowd cheered and Daddy gave you the baseball."

"You were sitting in Mommy's lap," Castle adds, taking over for her. "And you looked at the ball and then you raised your hand like you were gonna throw it back."

Kate finds her lips tugging up at the memory, sees Alexis crowding in close to the phone.

"But you didn't throw it, bubba. Mom grabbed you first. And then we all were on the big screen-"

"Jumbotron," Dash murmurs slowly.

"Right," Kate says softly. "And everyone was cheering for you, and you got to keep the baseball. And now it's on top of your bookcase in your room."

"And all the players signed it," Castle says. "Jeter and A-Rod. Even Madison's friend Jay. So every time you see that baseball, you know how much people love you, how much they're cheering for you just like in the baseball game."

Kate rolls her eyes, but Alexis pokes her in the shoulder, grinning back.

"Mommy?"

"You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I know. I so close. Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you all the times."

Kate bites her lip, her heart pounding. This is new. "Yeah? I-"

"And I love you all the ways. Just like you and Daddy."

All the ways like-

Oh. _Oh._

She brushes back the silly tear from her cheek and closes her eyes. "I love you too, baby. Always."

"Good. Then more story. Another Beckett story."

She laughs at that. "No, baby. Bedtime."


	2. Chapter 2

**In My Life**

* * *

"Hey, you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," she whispers. "We've put Allie to sleep, too."

"Allie?" he grunts, closing Dash's door behind him. He starts down the stairs.

"Sorry. Nickname. We've been trying it on."

"She's not an Allie. She's an Alexis."

"I'm not a babe. That doesn't seem to stop you."

He laughs at that, takes the stairs two at a time. "I'm gonna plead the fifth on that one."

"I like it. I'm calling her Allie."

"Fine, Mommy. Do what you like," he mutters, but he knows she can hear the way he smiles depsite himself. She loves his kid. She loves both his kids. No, wait. All three now. He's got three kids. With Kate Beckett. Wow.

"So what did you need to tell me?"

"Oh," he says, still grinning as he heads for the study. "Okay, two things really. Funny first, big news second."

"Big news?"

"Yeah, funny first. So I gave Dash that chicken my mother made for us last night-"

"Oh no. You didn't. Castle, that stuff was spicy-"

"Yeah, I know, but I was running out of ideas, and you put a ban on chicken nuggets and pizza-"

"Castle-"

"But listen. He loved it. He absolutely loved it. I mean, he ate the whole piece. I tore it off the bone for him and he devoured it."

"Oh. He likes spicy?"

"And, just wait."

She laughs a little on the other end and he can hear she's trying not to wake Alexis. Allie? Arg. It will always be Alexis.

"So I made him peas and mashed potatoes-"

"He hates peas."

"Yeah, you've already told me that. I've got peas all over the place, but he doesn't like mashed potatoes either. Did you know that?"

"I usually mix corn into his mashed potatoes. He'll eat that."

"Okay, so - here's the thing. I pulled out the tobasco sauce-"

"Castle!"

"Poured a tiny bit over his mashed potatoes. A really small amount-"

"You gave our kid hot sauce?" she hisses.

"Yeah. And he loved it. He wanted more. He asked for more. He asked me what it was called and then tried to dump the whole bottle over his food. Kate - the kid loves hot sauce."

"Shut the front door."

"It already is. And locked." He sinks down into his desk chair and opens his laptop. "After I doused his food in hot sauce, he ate every bite."

"Hot sauce."

"Yeah. I think maybe it's a taste thing - just not - or maybe texture? Because peas and mashed potatoes are both really mushy. And you said corn? That would make it feel differently, right?"

"Oh," she breathes. "Oh, Castle. That's - that's good. I wish we had - we really need help figuring this stuff out. I mean - how long were we gonna go feeding him stuff that might actually _feel_ really terrible to him?"

He laughs into the relative darkness of his study, calls up his email program. "Well, guess what? I think I have a solution to that too."

"What?" The tension of her voice stills his laughter; he opens the message from Gina, devours the contents. "Castle, what?"

"I had this meet and greet with some press for the book-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Be patient. I'm telling a story."

She growls at him again and he grins.

"So. One of the journalists was this guy from _The New Yorker_. Cooper. He and I know each other from before - we were catching up a little, talking about our families."

"Get on with it."

"His son has some - developmental issues. He told me - well, he didn't tell me this stuff, but he hinted at it? Only I wasn't really paying attention, I guess, because he then told Gina."

"Gina?"

"And Gina called me later to tell me this. Cooper left her the name and contact info for a behavioral therapist who integrated all the services his son needed to help him. She's apparently amazing."

"Wait, wait. Castle. You mean you're okay with this?"

"Yeah, I know. I've been dragging my feet because I just - I can't - he's not autistic-"

"Castle," she says softly.

"I know. I know. But everything - all these groups and therapies are centered around that diagnosis and it scares the shit out of me, Kate."

"I know."

"But this is. This is a guy whose kid has some of the same issues, apparently. He talked with Gina and Gina talked to me about it. And so now I have the name of this woman - Julie - and I can call-"

"Yes. Yes. _Call her_."

"Yeah?"

"Oh my God, Castle. You better call her."

"I will. I will. Tomorrow morning."

"Oh thank God. This is-"

He can hear her swallow hard on the phone, the way her breath catches. "You crying?"

"No," she huffs. "Stupid hormones. No."

"You okay?"

"I'm great. This is what he needs, Rick. Oh, thank God for Gina."

He laughs at that, hears the watery sound of his own voice. "Never thought you'd say that, right?"

She laughs lightly back. "Not really."

"So."

"So, call this woman tomorrow. And maybe send Cooper like - a Ferarri or something."

He laughs again, his chest easing enough to let him sit back in the chair and breathe. "Yeah, good point."

"Gina too, while we're at it."

"I'll take it out of the Nikki Heat money."

She laughs too, sounding better than him. Of course, she's been the one pushing - even before that appointment with Dr. DeLameran - trying to make him see what they needed to do.

"Rick. This is good. This is so good. He needs a little help. I don't want Dashiell to be fifteen and still unable to tolerate loud noises and sunlight - how is he going to learn how to drive? How-"

"I got it. I know," he says. He agrees. He totally agrees. "I know, Kate."

She sighs. The silence between them is good, healing; he closes his eyes and feels his whole body relax. He hadn't realized how much stress he was carrying around before this, trying to figure out the right thing to do for Dash. But this is good.

"Miss you, Kate."

"Love you," she says softly. "Even if you did feed our kid hot sauce."

* * *

His little fingers curl in her hair. Kate hikes him up at her side, trying to avoid the way he kicks at her stomach, kisses his face with a loud smack. "Hey, wild man. Guess what?"

"Chicken butt!" Peals of laughter follow this declaration, and Kate turns narrowed eyes to Castle.

He's laughing too, but he stops immediately, shrugs at her.

Jeez. Children. "Okay, chicken butt, among other things."

Dashiell giggles harder, sounding breathless, already pushed past his limit. The woman standing just beyond them, still practically in the foyer, is already making notes.

Great.

"Hey, Dash," Kate murmurs in his ear, pressing her hand at his back to still him against her. His giggles escalate and then taper off, finally leaving him draped over her shoulder upside down and sighing.

She rolls her eyes at Castle - of course the kid would do this at their first meeting with the therapist - and then she turns so that Dash can see the new person. The woman is about Kate's age, dark hair, wearing a knit shirt and khaki pants with tennis shoes.

"Dashiell, this is Julie. Can you say hi?"

"Hi!"

"Hey, Dashiell. You liked that joke, huh?" Julie's voice is engaged, but calm. Kate can already feel Dash paying attention, lifting his head to look at her. Though still upside down.

"It's funny. Daddy teached me."

"I liked it too. It made me laugh a little bit. But it made you laugh a lot, didn't it?"

"Uh-huh."

Kate glances to Castle, but he's watching the two interact, so she goes ahead and squats down, lets Dash climb off her. He tries scaling her stomach, but she knocks him off. "Not a ladder. Remember?"

He giggles at that, but sobers when he sees her face; anxiety flares in his eyes. "I sorry, Mommy. I sorry. I forgot."

"Just reminding you," she says, kissing his forehead and reaching her hand out for Castle. He grips her fingers and pulls, tugging her back up.

"Still good," he murmurs to her. "Natural habitat, remember?"

Yeah, yeah, that's what the woman said. But Kate really likes Julie. And she wants this to work, wants Julie to like them, as pathetic as it sounds.

"Hey, Dash, can you show me your room?" Julie asks.

Dashiell's face flashes from anxious to thrilled; he jumps up on his toes and grabs Julie's hand. "Oh yes, oh yes! I have so many books! And I have knights. We play knights in the castle!"

Rick laughs and squeezes Kate's arm as Dashiell hops around the woman. Julie takes her notepad and pen with her, slings her bag over her shoulder, and gives them a reassuring smile as she allows Dashiell to tow her towards the stairs.

Kate crosses her arms over her chest, resting them on top of Dashiell's 'ladder', and feels Castle crowd at her back, fingers stroking the skin of her elbow.

She watches them disappear down the hall, tries to remind herself. "She needs to see how he normally acts, see what she's working with. What he deals with, too, you know?"

Behind her, Castle sighs, but it's one of relief rather than resignation. "Yeah. I know. It's good."

Kate turns and lifts on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. "This _is_ good. It's good."

His mouth at her cheek makes her hum, then the push of baby under her skin melts her whole body. Castle laughs, puts his hand to the spot, thumb smoothing an elbow or a knee, something.

"Hey, BK. Haven't forgotten you, little bee."

"You're confusing big brother, you know," Kate laughs, nudging his neck with her nose. "He keeps asking me where the honey is."

"I know where the honey is," Castle laughs harder, sliding his hand, stroking firmer until she has to capture him by the wrist, squeeze the bones together.

"Play nice. You know what that does to me."

"Exactly my point."

"Don't. Dash asks me about honey almost every day. And you know what I'll end up thinking about if you start-"

He chuckles into her ear, tongue tracing the shell, making her shudder. It hasn't stopped, all pregnancy long, the way he makes her feel, the keening edge of her need for him always so sharp-

She squeezes his wrist harder, until he gasps and shakes her off, laughing again. "Okay, okay. Man, you are ruthless."

"So are you," she huffs back.

"How about tonight, then? In the big tub-"

"Don't even need the tub," she smirks, leaning in to kiss what she can reach -she manages to scrape her teeth against his five o'clock shadow. "Thank you, Rick."

"What?" he startles, clutching at her shoulders. "What for?"

"Being a good daddy."

Her kid is going to be okay. He needs a little help, but now he's going to get it.

"Thanks for being a good mom," he murmurs back, sliding his arms around her, cupping the back of her head. "Alexis-"

"She's going to be okay, too," Kate offers. "I promise. She needed some help, but she's going to be just fine."


	3. Chapter 3

**In My Life**

* * *

a Dash companion (with props to daphnebeauty for the hooded sweatshirt idea)

* * *

"Hey there, Jim." Castle pounds his father in law's back and pulls him inside the loft. "Dash has been-"

"Papa!" Dash cries, practically falling down the stairs to get at his grandfather. "Daddy says we play all day!"

"It's Christmas Eve - I think that's exactly what it's for," Jim says, kneeling down to catch the boy in a hug. It doesn't last long; Dash is already jumping around, the hood of his green T-rex sweatshirt bouncing.

Kate laughs from the kitchen and wipes her hands off, coming for them. Jim stands, the boy in his arms, and gives Kate a one-armed hug; she kisses his cheek and then pulls back to stand at Castle's side. "Hey, Dad. Glad you got in town before the snow."

Rick smiles at her, lacing his fingers through hers. "I heard we're only supposed to get an inch or two this afternoon."

Jim shakes his head, shifting Dash in his arms. "I heard that too. And I got chains on the tires. No problem. Your mother coming, Rick?"

"She'll join us in the morning. Early. I think she's got something tonight?"

"Christmasy party at the school," Kate adds. "Dad, you sure you don't mind taking him for a little while?"

Jim is grinning and squeezing Dashiell's knee even as the boy squirms. "Not at all. I thought I'd take him to see a few of the lit-up trees, play in Central Park for a while. We'll be back here by lunch."

"Sounds good. Castle has a secret plan to wear him out," Kate laughs. "That fits right in."

Dashiell is trying to climb his grandfather's torso, hanging over Papa's shoulder. Lately, he likes to be upside down. Castle reaches over and snags him by the hood, tugs it over his head so that it looks like the open mouth of the t-rex. Dash roars from beneath it, his own face mostly hidden.

Castle chuckles. "Be good for Papa, wild man. Remember the good behavior chart?"

Dash twists around in Jim's arms and bounces a little, pushes the hood back. "Yes!"

"Tell Papa what you have to do," Kate murmurs, leaning in to kiss his cheek, ruffle his hair. "How you get stickers."

"I get stickers, Papa! When I do the right things."

"Like," Castle prompts.

"Like obey. And listen. And - and - and what else Daddy?"

"If you don't cry about coming home when we're done playing. That's a big one. And when there's a loud noise or a bright light or a lot of people crowding around, then being calm and staying with Mommy or Daddy or Papa. That gets you a sticker."

Jim switches arms, pulling Dash over to his other side. "You'll have to help me, Dash. When you think it's something that should get you a sticker. Okay?"

"I can help," Dash nods. "I'm a good boy. Santa comes."

Castle sees Kate smirking from the corner of his eye. "Of course you're a good boy," she says softly, her fingers reaching out again to comb through Dash's hair. She's been so much more touchy-feely lately; he secretly thinks it's the pregnancy hormones, and he hopes they last.

He reaches for Dash's coat on the floor of the foyer, holding it up. "So, Papa will let us know how many stickers you get while you're with him today. And when you get back for lunch, you can put them on your chart, okay?"

"Okey-dokey," Dash says, bobbing his head up and down crazily and extending an arm for his coat. "I will holds hands when I cross the street, too, Daddy."

"Oh, that's a good one. Definitely get a sticker for that."

"And. Uh. . .I will be good?"

"That's the general idea. What if Papa tells you to do something?"

"I do it! And I get a sticker!" Dash offers his other arm and Castle slides his coat on him. Jim tugs it closed and works at the big black buttons one-handed.

"That's right, buddy. So. You guys ready for some fun?"

"Yay!" Dash claps his hands together and then leans out for Kate. "Bye, Mommy."

Kate cups his cheeks and gives him a loud smack of her lips. "Bye, baby." She pushes him back into her father's arms and smiles. "Thanks, Dad. See you in a few hours."

They head out the door, and Castle shuts it behind them, then turns and glances at Kate. There is so much to do. They've been trying to get Christmas stuff done for weeks now, but Dashiell is like a leech; he wants to be glued to one of them all day long, peeking over their shoulders and hanging on to their legs and asking about every single thing they try to hide from him.

"Whew. Time to wrap presents. Oh, and the stocking stuff. I have a few more things to get."

She bites her bottom lip. "When does Alexis get here?"

"At lunch. But she's going right back out again. She won't be able to distract the kid for long, if at all."

Kate smooths a hand down her stomach and sighs. "Get going, Castle. Lots to do."

* * *

"You might want to put the sword away, Sir Dash." Castle dips the end of Dashiell's plastic sword with his thumb and gives him a look.

Dash sets his face in a pout and opens his mouth to say something, but Kate beats him to it.

"I don't think that was a suggestion, Dashiell."

She levels him with a look too, and Castle hides his smirk behind his hand as he turns for the fridge. "Put it away, son. Mommy needs your help with the cookies."

His son's face transforms, and he practically chucks the sword towards the living room.

"Dash. No throwing. Pick it up and put it away."

"Where?"

"Somewhere Daddy or Papa won't step on it." Kate pushes against him with her knee, and Castle brings the sticks of margarine to the counter.

"What else?" he murmurs, scanning the recipe.

"Food coloring," she offers, reaching past him to the spice rack for vanilla and cinnamon.

He ducks his head to kiss her neck, lips at her skin, and feels her shiver. Her hand swats at him, and he moves away, grabbing food coloring from the pantry. "Need flour, sugar-?"

"Yeah, that and baking soda. Um. What else. . .brown sugar."

He grabs those as well and piles them on the counter, watching her move in the kitchen. From behind, she doesn't even look pregnant. Her outline is off, different, but nothing that looks as-

Well. Then she turns back to him.

But the roundness of her belly barely seems to make a dent in her movements or her abilities. She's on desk duty, of course, but they've still got six weeks before the due date, and Kate's only concession seems to be getting more sleep.

They could battle it out for the title of champion sleeper; she wakes at ten on Saturdays and seems mortified she's slept in so late. But he thinks it's funny-

"Castle. Go make Dash wash his hands. I think he forgot that part. Oh, and sticker him. Remember? I think it's a total of four so far."

He steps in and steals another kiss just as her father comes down the stairs from the guest bedroom. Castle laughs against Kate's mouth and backs away, searching for Dash.

* * *

Castle winces but Kate just sighs from the couch and shakes her head, hugging Dashiell back with both arms, crouched low to get at him. "Thank you, baby."

When Dash pulls away, red and green food coloring has stained the last pair of pants Kate likes to wear - she said that just this morning, how she can't find pants that fit right and she loves these and-

Red and green fingerprints, smears, an entire palm print. On the back of her pants, atop her thighs, all over. Actually, it's kinda funny. Castle meets her eyes and she's smiling softly. She's looked like this all afternoon, actually. Warm, fuzzy. Like she's melted with Christmas cheer.

"Daddy, did you see what a good job I did?" Dashiell says, tugging away from his mother to look at Castle.

"I did, my man. Such a good job with those cookies."

"Even Mommy says I did so good a job," he says with relish, his chest puffing with pride. Kate is giving Castle a raised eyebrow when Dash turns his face back to her.

"Oh, yes. I think you did a great job, baby. You're very helpful."

Jim reaches down and swings Dashiell up into his arms. "How about you and me play knights?"

"Oh yes! Santa might get me castle. But I got swords."

Jim carries him up the stairs, and Castle reaches out to Kate, slides his fingers over one of her thighs as he comes to sit next to her on the couch. "Looks good, red and green-"

Kate nudges him with a knee. "Hush. Now I have no idea what to wear."

"Wear sweatpants," he shrugs.

"For Christmas Eve dinner?"

"Wear that dress I got you-"

She claps her hand over his mouth, laughing. "Hush. That's not a dress and you know it."

He grins and kisses her palm, licks sugar crystals from the skin of her thumb. She shivers and closes her eyes, getting that withdrawn and out of focus look again.

"Kate?" he whispers.

Her eyes open slowly, brimming and rich, and it takes his breath away.

She leans in, brushes her open mouth over his lips, her own breath quick and heavy against his cheek. He grips her at the waist, what he can, feels the baby move between them even as Kate's fingers curl at his neck and pull him in.

Her kiss is slow and languid, hot; she strokes her tongue across the roof of his mouth, then around his and deeper, velvet and dark and wet.

He shudders, fingers digging into her skin, tries to keep from drowning in it.

* * *

Kate answers the door.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Who's that?" Castle yells, and comes around the kitchen towards his wife.

"It's Allie," Kate laughs and Castle huffs at both of them. Alexis steps farther into the foyer and drops her bag.

"It's Alexis," he grumbles, taking a hug from his daughter and away from Kate.

"I don't mind Allie," she says, squeezing him tightly and kissing his cheek. "I never had a nickname before. And it's just a joke between me and Mom."

"Allie!" Dashiell crows from the top of the stairs.

Rick sighs.

Alexis giggles. "Okay, well. Maybe it's catching. Sorry, Dad." She gives him puppy dog eyes but heads for the stairs and her brother.

Dash stands still and makes her come to him, arms held wide, and Alexis gathers him up, raspberrying his neck as he squirms.

Kate's fingers slide around Castle's wrist and then curl in his palm, invitingly. He gives in and takes her hand, their fingers lacing together. She's close at his side, hip brushing his, the belly bumping into him.

He knocks their hands against her side, rubbing the back of his fingers to the spot where he knows the baby likes to hang out. Or has been lately, either a knee or an elbow. He thinks it's a knee, but Kate says that'd put the baby upside down. Which he likes, because it means both Dash and the baby are hanging around upside down lately.

"Hey, buzz buzz in there," he murmurs, leaning over to kiss her stomach.

Kate's thumb pushes into his forehead, arrests his movement. "The bee references are getting old, Castle. Making me feel like a hive."

He laughs and looks up at her, apologizing with a curl of his lips. She shakes her head at him. At least she went ahead and changed into a loose pair of yoga pants. They tend not to stay up, but the blousy purple shirt she's wearing definitely hides any gap in material.

Too bad.

"BK is doing good today," he says instead. "Lots of movement for the sleepy bee."

"Lot more than usual, yeah," she murmurs, glancing up as Alexis brings Dashiell back down the stairs in her arms. The boy is wriggling around and chattering nonstop, nearly hanging off of her.

"Are you going back out again?" Castle asks.

"Yeah, sorry," Alexis winces. "I can stay for dinner."

"No, no. Neglect your poor, old Dad. Use us for Christmas dinner, and then go have fun."

Kate knocks into him with the belly, glaring. "Ignore him. All we'll be doing is trying to get this one into b-e-d so a certain Grinch can set things up."

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!" Dash yells.

Alexis grins back and pretends to drop Dash to the floor; he giggles like a fool and clutches her.

"Allie you play with me?"

Castle groans. Like the kid hasn't had every single person playing with him all day long. "Buddy, we just got back from ice skating with Gram. How about-"

"Oh, Dashy, tell me about ice skating," Alexis says, carrying him to the couch and bouncing him down on it. "Tell me all the stories I've missed and we can play something quiet downstairs."

From the kitchen, Jim calls out, "Dash, remember the little girl with the pink hair? You told me about her."

Dashiell turns back to Alexis and grabs her, hands against his sister's cheeks, his eyes wide. "Pink hair! All over pink."

Kate shoots a look to Castle, askance on her face. He just shrugs at her; the girl wasn't that crazy looking, but it really stuck with Dash apparently.

"Allie, it was so bright it hurted my eyes."

At Kate's burst of laughter, Castle feels the baby kick out. He puts his fingers against her belly, stunned all over again by it.

She meets his eyes, her face filled with it, beautiful and serene and almost ethereal. Like she's just beyond his reach right now, listening to some quiet voice inside, the pull of their baby girl.


	4. Chapter 4

**In My Life**

* * *

"We're trying," he laughs from the top of the stairs.

Kate shakes her head at him. "It sounds like a whole lot of having fun, and not a whole lot of sleeping."

"Yeah, I think we overstimulated him and now he's too tired to sleep."

"Castle," she sighs.

"Your dad is working on getting him into his pajamas. If you come relieve me in a few, I can get started on-" Castle pauses, glances over his shoulder then stage whispers, "-stockings."

She grins, her stomach fluttering at the look on his face. "Sure. Give me about thirty minutes to finish cleaning up down here."

Castle disappears back down the hallway, and Kate heads for the study, a hand pressed over her belly. A ripple of her muscles has her pausing at the threshold, surprised, but she can see the box of Christmas stuff they've left by the black couch and she steps towards it. Leaning over, Kate pulls out the bags of toys and candy that Castle's been saving up for months and months now.

A twinge in her back makes her straighten, but she brings with her the small, wrapped present she hid at the bottom of the box. Castle's present. Kate grins and tries to figure out where to put it so he won't find it; she's had to rotate her hiding places for a month now, trying to keeping him from spoiling the surprise.

Hmm, maybe when she goes upstairs, she'll hide it in near Dashiell's room. They've been attempting toilet training and it's been kind of hit or miss, so there's that jar of M&Ms upstairs that she could use to hide it.

Yeah, she'll do that.

For now, Kate moves into their bedroom and hides it in her bedside table, thinks better of it and tucks it down into her laptop case. He doesn't usually mess with her stuff from the precinct.

When she straightens up, that strange flutter makes her head swim for a moment. She sinks down onto the bed, lays her hands over the baby, stroking in slow circles.

"Sorry, BK," she murmurs. "Can't slow down yet. I know you want to sleep."

With Dash, every time Kate stopped moving, wild man would get hyper and active, ruining all her sleep. But this one only protests when Kate won't stop long enough to let her to fall asleep.

After a few minutes, the baby settles and the feeling washes away; she curls her arm under her belly and gets to her feet. She should give Castle a chance to get started on the stockings. And there's that huge play castle he wants to set up in the living room from Santa Claus.

Kate moves for the hallway, taking the long, dim walk back to the living room; she can see the rainbow of Christmas lights in needle-like patterns along the wooden floor. The sweet and sharp scent of the tree hits her like a wave and she trembles at the threshold of the living room, swaying on her feet.

She takes a few shallow breaths, her lungs filled with pungant conifer and sap and dry bark. Kate closes her eyes to block the sudden swing of lights across the room, feels the urge to sink to her knees.

No. No, no.

She forces her eyes open, swallows past it, makes her way to the staircase and Castle.

When she lifts her foot to climb, her body clenches like a fist; Kate hangs on to the railing and sits down hard on the step, fingers like ice around the bannister.

She closes her eyes, draws her palm over her stomach, sighs when she feels her muscles hardening.

She can hear her son upstairs asking about reindeer and the Wise Men set against the deeper call of her body; her nerves are jumbled up. Her fingers are tingling, and she pulls her knees up awkwardly, breathes, lays her cheek against her thigh.

The doctor can give her drugs to stop it. It'll be fine. Bed rest for six more weeks, but it'll be fine. It's fine.

She opens her eyes to move, but the Christmas lights blink around her, red and pink and yellow and blue, in a slow show of warmth. Kate leans against the railing and feels her cheek against the cool metal of the bars, breathes in and out again, listening.

Everything is still. Everything is calm. The air breathes for her, the night wraps around her like heavy arms, keeping her there.

She hears her. She hears her heartbeat, three for Kate's every one, the waiting and stillness and the expectation-

Oh no. No.

_Yes._

"Castle," she calls up the stairs, voice stronger than she expected, and glances over her shoulder to see him, poised at the top, staring at her.

Her father is right behind him, and then her son, and all three are stunned until her dad pushes on Castle's shoulder even as he's turning to ask-

"Go," he says. "I got him."

Kate watches her husband barrel down the stairs, using the railings to take them two at a time, and then he's vaulting over her, just past her head, and she finds herself warm and still and thinking, _See your daddy? He's silly, but he takes care of us._

"Kate," he breathes out, scooping up the keys from the entry table.

She stands at the sound of her name, easy, light, as if the fist around her, wrapping it's fingers in her spine, lifts her up all on its own and propels her forward.

Castle looks surprised to find her there, so she lifts her hand and takes his, squeezing.

"Little too close together," she murmurs and realizes - all day. All day she's had contractions.

And with that, it descends on her in a wave.

She grips him tight, knees buckling, and Castle is crowding in close to keep her upright, and the fist tightens and squeezes, leaving her breathless, making the grip on his wrist meet its rhythms.

"Kate? Kate?" he's calling.

She nods, watching the Christmas lights just past his shoulder until they stop spinning, start to slow down.

A breath of his skin, the day-wearied cologne and stale sweat and the sharp tang of _this is it_ as an actual taste in her mouth, and then she's reaching past him for the door.

Time to go.

* * *

He drives but she keeps hold of his hand, squeezing to let him know when the contraction starts, squeezing all the way through at times, other times barely even holding on to him.

He's timing them at two minutes and his heart is racing and he's praying to his baby girl to just slow down, slow down, baby.

Too early. Overachiever already. Too early, baby. Six more weeks.

Kate says nothing, entirely inward focused or just - just Kate. He wonders, keenly, what happened to her when Dash came, what she felt and how she handled it alone. She'd left him in the middle of a fight and gone to her apartment and then-

He showed up in time; he remembers running, falling at her side as she reached for his hand, out of breath and without the right words. He was trying to apologize and tell her they'd do it her way, all the time, just don't leave, something like that.

Oh, and Kate tells him he was talking about a splinter. Leaving in a splinter and letting it work its way out. She laughs about that now because she was so very pissed then, and honestly, he doesn't remember that, but he must've been trying to explain how he'd had his revelation about them and he got it, and he'd let them work at this slowly, let it work its way out.

Kate's fingers ease around his and he lets out a breath, glances at her. She has her eyes closed, head tilted back against the seat.

She could be asleep except for the tendon in her forehead, sharp in the harsh street lights.

But she's humming.

* * *

If Castle doesn't stop touching her, she's going to smack him.

And she really doesn't want to smack him; she wants to give him this, let him have this one, because she owes it to both of them to make up for last time, but every brush of his fingers around and around her belly atunes her whole body to him, orienting, and she either needs him to drape himself over her, heavy and hard, or she needs to push.

And neither of those is a good idea.

"Contractions have slowed down," she murmurs, hopeful. "Eased up a lot."

He glances up at her. "Oh?" He sounds like he doesn't believe her, and that's funny. What a silly man.

She grabs his hand and tugs it up to her lips, holds him there for a moment.

"It's too early," she says finally.

"I think Dr. DeLameran wants to put you on bedrest," he winces.

"I can do that," she promises. Anything.

Her stomach flutters again as he looks at her, and even when he's not got his hands all over her, touching and touching, she's pulled in by him, wanting him in a way she doesn't know how or what but needing something of his, or from him, and if he would just-

"Kate? That's a contraction," he mutters.

"No it's not," she says, shaking her head against the bed and frowning at him.

"It is on the monitor." He points and she glances at it, but it has to be wrong because-

Dr. DeLameran comes back in with her hands in her pockets and peers at the monitor, sighs. "We might be doing this."

It's too early.


	5. Chapter 5

**In My Life**

* * *

He calls Jim first, then his mother.

"Mother-"

She groans. "Oh, Richard, it's five in the morning! I told you I had the party-"

"Mother."

"Get on with it. What requires a five a.m. wake up call?" She sighs into the phone, growls a little at him, and he grins.

"Mother, she's here. Kate had the baby."

"Oh, ha-ha, funny man. Let Dashiell go ahead and open his presents - I don't expect you to make him wait - but I am not rolling out of bed even for that fun, adorable little wild man."

"Mother-"

She hangs up on him.

Castle stares down at the phone, barks out a laugh, and redials her.

"Richard. It's too early in the morning for you to be pulling these stunts."

"Mother. We're at the hospital. She was born at 3:06 this morning. She's five pounds-"

"Oh my God."

"Mother?"

"You're serious."

He laughs again, and his heart lifts. "I'm serious. She just - it was so fast. We were trying to put Dash down for bed last night, and then we were here and then the baby was coming."

"Oh my God, you have a little girl."

"Mother?"

"I'm coming. I'm - oh my, I have to get dressed and do my hair and my make-up, but no perfume, I know, nothing heavy around the baby - oh and Alexis?"

"I'm calling her next."

"Tell her I'll come by and pick her up, just call me. And oh, does Kate need anything? Overnight bag or-"

"Yeah," he says with a sigh, closing his eyes, exhaustion finally spilling over him. "Totally forgot about that. Would you pack her something? We didn't even - no time to get anything."

"I know just what to pack. Don't worry. Oh, have you named her?"

"Not yet," he hedges. _Kate. _He wants to name her after the strongest and most unbelievably amazing woman he knows, and how in the world will Kate let him do that?

"Oh, that's right. It's your turn, darling. Best get it right, yes?"

He laughs again and finds himself sinking to his haunches in the middle of the hallway outside Kate's room, dizzy with it. "Yeah. I - Still thinking. But let me call Alexis."

"Sure, yes, oh! Oh, a Christmas baby. A Halloween baby and a Christmas baby. How adorable. Oh I can't wait to see you all. I'll get dressed."

His mother ends the call in the middle of her monologue - she must really be surprised.

* * *

"She's so small," Kate breathes.

"She's just fine," Castle murmurs as they watch the nurse wheel the baby into the room. Dr. DeLameran thinks they've miscalculated the date and that Kate's body just - works faster? That's how she put it. Gestational rates are different for everyone and Dash was born three weeks early, so it's possible that baby girl is only three weeks early as well.

No breathing problems, no feeding problems. Temperature has never fluctuated. He's been going back and forth between them, worried for Kate, worried for the baby. But everything's fine.

"She's a little jaundiced, but we've got her under lamps in the nursery," the nurse says quietly, patting his arm.

He stands over the crib, filled up with the sight of her. "I can pick her up?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. She's only moderately preterm, and to be honest, she's looking really good, further along than we expected. Her temperature is steady, her breathing is steady; she's meeting all her milestones."

When Castle slides his hands so carefully under her, at her neck and back, his palms dwarf her tiny body. She's already got her eyes open and looking at him, that sea-grey color that Dash had at birth as well. Startling, how she watches him.

"Wow," he breathes. He forgot how small babies were, and this one is so much smaller.

She rotates her head towards his voice, a slow squirm that makes his stomach flip. She has a little personality already. "Hey, baby girl, it's Daddy."

He cradles her to him, staring down at her, then glances up and sees the needy look in Kate's eyes.

"Oh, and here's your Mommy," he says softly and comes closer, eases the girl over to her.

"Look at her eyes," Kate murmurs, cradling their girl, hair falling forward.

"Just like Dashiell's." He puts his hip against her bed and she carefully scoots over, nodding at the empty space. Castle grins and sits beside her in the bed, knowing what she wants, prolonging the moment.

"We have a girl," Kate laughs, eyes finding his again, then they both are drawn back down to the baby in her arms, the little thing staring solemnly up at them, quiet and unwavering and so real. So little but so real.

"I told you it'd be a girl," he says.

"Whatever," she breathes, and her laughter ruins the effect. "I told you. You were the one who kept saying expect a boy."

"You got your girl, Kate." He feathers his fingers over the top of the baby's head, then can't help turning to his wife and kissing the corner of her mouth. She moves into it, seeking him, then breaks off to rest her forehead against his. He can see her eyes on the girl.

"I know her name," he says softly into their moment.

Kate's head comes up. "Yeah?"

God, it's so different this time. It's amazing - she's amazing - they have a little girl. She's so small, and her eyes are clear and sharp and grey, and she looks like a miniature version of Dash as a newborn, and she's beautiful. She's gorgeous like her mother.

Castle lifts his eyes to Kate and opens his mouth-

The door clicks open and people spill through; he can feel Kate sigh next to him and he grins at her through the interruption.

Jim carries Dashiell, and the boy is practically leaning out of his grandfather's arms to look, craning his neck and letting Papa hold on to him. Alexis is behind them with Castle's mother, and both flock to him, kisses and exclamations and hugs. His mother is dropping an overnight bag in the chair and waving her ringed fingers in the baby's line of sight, cooing.

Alexis breaks out of his arms and goes for Kate, hugging her around the neck. "Oh, look at her. How beautiful. Look at that dark hair."

"Is that mine baby?" Dash yells and the girl startles, eyes blinking, twisting her head towards the sound.

"Hush, wild man," Kate murmurs. "Soft voice, remember?"

"Is that mine baby?" he stage whispers. "She a little one, Mommy."

Castle laughs and holds his arms out for Dashiell; Jim lets him come carefully, and Castle wraps his hands around Dash's, keeps him contained in his lap beside Kate and the baby.

"See?" he breathes, kissing Dash's cheek. "It's your little sister."

"Hi," Dash says, echoing Castle's tone and leaning over into her face. The baby stares at him, entranced and focused and particularly alert. A little fist moves, breaks free of the blanket, and Dashiell laughs, sounding a little breathless.

Alexis and his mother are crowding one side, Jim is moving to the other, and then it's Lanie and Esposito coming in through the door, and Castle feels Kate sighing next to him because she still doesn't know.

He's not telling her now, either. He'll wait. She can be Baby Girl Castle for a little while longer.

"Hey, Javi," Kate says. "Lanie-"

"When Castle called us and said she was here, I thought for sure he was playing a joke on us." Lanie leans in and kisses Kate's cheek, strokes her finger over the baby's head.

Martha exclaims, "I did too! I even hung up on him. I thought for sure he was putting me on."

Everyone laughs, and Lanie's leaning in again to study every inch of the little girl. Kate is looking up at her friend with those rich and expressive eyes that Castle wants all to himself, those looks, the sharing, but their friends are invading and that's good too.

The door opens again and it's Kate's friend, Madison, and Dashiell holds his arms out to her, so Castle lets him go. Now that he's free, he leans over to bear hugs Alexis, who's crying now, little happy tears he thinks, because she giggles into his hug but gives it back just as fiercely.

Before they know it, there's a nurse asking them to quiet down, even as Ryan and Jenny and their little one are here adding to the noise level, and then it's Dashiell lunging for Captain Mo as he steps into the room, his wife and daughters behind him, Dashiell getting passed around and praised for being the big brother, and seriously, seriously, guys, it's Christmas.

What are they all doing here?

* * *

Roy Montgomery is still holding court with Dashiell, thank goodness, but he's taken him down to the vending machines with Esposito and Lanie. Madison left, but there's a huge neon pink teddy bear in the corner as a reminder of her presence, loud and crazy. Jenny took their baby home, but Ryan's still hanging out; he's been sent to get coffee with Jim.

Last is his mother and Alexis, and even though he knows he should share this moment with them too, he's selfish. He wants Kate and the baby all to himself.

He turns to his mother and she waves a hand at him as if she knows all, sees everything. She probably does. Castle hugs her hard, kisses her cheek.

"I love you," he gets out, squeezing, and she laughs at him, but her voice is choked up when she says it back.

Alexis looks entirely put out at being hustled outside, and he tries to apologize as he watches her go. But he can't be sorry to finally have his wife alone.

Rick turns to the bassinet still in their room - Kate doesn't want her to go back to the nursery yet - and Castle leans in and scoops up the still sleeping girl.

Still sleeping. Good little sleeper. Yeah, might be a whole lot different this time around.

He cradles her close, his tiny little girl with the head of dark hair. He uses his thumb to stroke down her nose, the soft skin of her forehead, and he runs through all the different names he'd picked out over the past few months, the reasons, the meanings, but there's just that one. Just the one that now, for some reason, feels so very right.

A name that feels like the solemn, insistent little thing in his arms, feels like his baby girl.

"You're gonna be a stubborn kid, aren't you? Wanting to get here early, on your own time. That's okay. You fit in perfectly with the rest of us. Huh, baby girl?"

She doesn't even stir. That tiny little pursed mouth, the delicate shell of her pink ear.

Castle leans over and presses his lip gently to the top of her head, then turns around to Kate. His wife is half-asleep, dozing really, her eyes fluttering open every now and then to look at the two of them. She's still over on one side of the bed, leaving him room; it's been his permanant spot. She keeps drawing him down to sit with her.

"Kate," he murmurs, easing onto the bed.

He watches her wake, the lashes that drift up like escaping shadows, the depth in her eyes, the awareness centering on him, and then down to the little girl.

"You're so beautiful," he says, trying to breathe around it. "Kate."

She curls on her side into him, her arm threading through his so she can brush her fingers across their baby's cheek. It must be Mommy's magic touch, because the little girl squirms, opens her clear grey eyes.

"Oh, look at her," Kate breathes out, her mouth at his shoulder, her body warm and heavy against him.

"Hey," he starts, feels his throat closing up. He can't help but remember the way Kate looked at him when she gave him their son's name, how it affirmed and confirmed and meant everything to him. Everything.

Dashiell Alexander Castle.

His and named for him and _his._ He wants Kate to know - oh, so much.

She lifts her head and kisses the underside of his jaw, her lips dry but warm.

"Hey, love," he starts again, and he shifts the baby closer to her even as she puts an arm around the little thing and holds her as well. "Want to know her name?"

Kate's mouth is at his shoulder; she only nods against him, but her fingers are suddenly tight around his bicep. He shifts the baby into her arms, keeping his hand at the little girl's head, lifting his eyes to his wife. She's staring at him.

"Mommy, here's Ellery Kate."

He sees her breath hitch, feels it against his side, and then tears slip down her cheeks and he has to reach up and smooth them away.

Kate beams down at their girl, smiling so wide, hair half-pulled back and tumbling down her neck, weariness stamped into her eyes, and completely and totally, amazingly beautiful.

"Oh, baby girl, you have a name," she sighs, leaning over to kiss the girl's forehead. "My little Ella."

And then she's whispering her love words into Ellery's ear, soft and fluid and too quiet for him to hear, but it weaves a spell around the three of them and binds them there.


	6. Chapter 6

**In My Life**

* * *

Castle comes back in, hesitant; he's got an official looking paper in his hands and he lifts his eyes to her with an apology in them.

"What?" she murmurs, a half-smile on her face that she can't control anymore. In her arms, Ellery stirs and opens those clear grey eyes. Simply gorgeous. Kate's attention falls back to her; she feels Castle settle into his spot beside her.

"Hey, did you notice-?" Kate starts, interrupting him before he can start.

Castle pauses, mouth open, shakes his head.

"Her eyes were nearly black when she was born, and now they've faded to grey-"

"Dash - Dash's did too," he answers, clearing his throat. "You weren't - ah, you weren't conscious for that."

"Oh," she whispers, glances once more to her baby girl. "All babies do that?"

"Yeah. Their eyes lighten within the first few hours after birth."

"Wow." Kate strokes her finger over Ella's cheek, watches the girl turn her head, lips opening, eyes on the move, watching and learning. "She's so quiet."

"Not at all like Dash," Castle laughs quietly beside her. "And. Uh, Kate?"

She hums, has to force her eyes from her daughter to look at him. She can't maintain it though, finds herself staring down at the little girl, memorizing her.

"It's the - uh - the birth certificate. They just gave it to me. Um. Kate?"

"What is it?" she says, tearing her eyes away from her daughter to glance at him again. He holds the certificate out, wincing.

She reads it over. "What's wrong? That is how you spell it, right?"

Castle gapes at her a second, then chuckles, lays the certificate in his lap. "Well then. I'm not gonna say anything."

She peers at it again. "No, wait. What? I don't see it. Come on, my brain cells are zapped, Castle. No fair."

He laughs, presses his lips to her temple. "Even with zapped brain cells, you're one of the scarily smartest people I know, Kate Castle."

Kate Cas-?

Oh. Studying it again, she sees they've put Kate Castle as the mother's name. She turns her head and catches his mouth in a brief kiss. "I don't care. What does it matter? All the same."

He sighs dramatically. "Whew."

She laughs. "You were worried?"

"A little. Seemed like an issue."

"Okay, so if they'd done that on Dash's birth certificate, I might've-"

"Might have? Oh you definitely would have."

"I would. But this? No problem." And she finds that she likes it. Must be the hormones. She's cried three times already and it's only noon. That's all. "I'm fine with being known as a Castle."

"I guess," Castle starts, then gives her a look like he's sizing her up. "I guess we'll claim you."

* * *

Kate finds herself alone with just her girls and her heart softens and runs, making her whole body liquid. Martha is fussing with the camera, showing Alexis a few different pictures as the girl tries to text someone. Kate slides her knees up a little, gingerly, settles Ellery against them so the girl can see her.

"Allie," she calls softly, still looking down at the tiny thing. "Alexis, come here."

Allie gets up, a hand to Martha, and drops her phone back into her chair as she approaches the bed. "Yeah?"

"Sit with me," Kate says, nodding to the still-warm spot where Castle was only ten minutes ago. He took Dashiell home to gather Christmas presents; he wants them to celebrate in here with Dash so she doesn't miss out. He's being sweet and thoughtful and kinda clingy, but she can't seem to be bothered by it.

"Kate?" Alexis is already nestled next to her, in close, and she's looking at Kate in askance.

"Yeah." Kate shifts on the bed and turns the baby towards her older sister, hands her over before Allie can refuse. Though Kate didn't think she would anyway. "Ella, hon, say hi to your big sister."

"Ohh," the young woman breathes, staring down at the baby. "Oh hi baby."

Kate can't help leaning in, watching Ellery stir at the sound. "She's been sleeping most of the time. So you're lucky to get her awake."

"Hey, Ellery-bean," Allie says on a little laugh. "Oh look how small your nose is." She traces the edge of Ella's cheek with her finger.

Kate reaches over and gently removes Ellery's arm from the swaddling, slides the protective sock off her little fist. "Look at her fingers." She uncurls them with her own, spreads them out for Alexis to inspect. Ellery looks like she's about to fall asleep again, but her mouth smacks and she sighs, so adorable.

"Oh, and those itty bitty nails. Oh my goodness, she is so small. Smaller than Dash."

"Dash was long, even if he did seem like a skinny baby," Kate laughs. Even their voices don't disturb Ellery; her little mouth pops open as she drops into sleep, little glimpses of a pink tongue, eyelashes so dark against her cheeks.

"Five pounds?" Allie murmurs.

"Yeah. But she's breathing and feeding and she's keeping her temperature up. Those are all the milestones they need to meet before we can take her home."

"She looks so healthy," Alexis gives a little laugh. "I think because of the jaundice? It makes her look tan or something. Oh, she's so amazing. I - thank you."

Kate laughs back, curls her hand up at Allie's shoulder, and then gives in to the impulse, kisses Allie's cheek. "I love you, sweetheart."

Alexis turns her head, shock scrawling across her features but Kate's grateful to see it's not really at the words, just maybe at hearing them so suddenly. Good. She never wants her kids to doubt.

"I love you too, Mom." Alexis glances back down to the baby. "And Ellery. Oh, I love her too."

* * *

Dashiell sits on Kate's feet and rips into another one, crowing when he sees the Spiderman that Castle picked out for him. Some kind of aquatic thing; he can go in the bath. Kate's glad that Dash is sitting on her; she feels suddenly so drained that she might float away if he weren't there, as light as Ellery is, as much as Kate has gotten so used to having the girl in her arms.

"Oh, cool! Cool, cool!" Dash raves over the toy and again tries to hold it up in Ellery's face. "See? You play too."

"In a few more months, baby," Kate murmurs, reaching out a hand to run her fingers through his hair, holding Ella with her other arm. Her hand is trembling. "Ease up. Soft voice, soft touch, remember?"

Castle takes the Spiderman from him, hands him another Christmas present. "This one is from Papa. What do you say-"

"Oh, Papa, thank you," Dash beams, holding the still-wrapped gift to his chest and lunging at his grandfather. Jim chuckles and eases up against the bed, lets Dash back down even as the kid opens it. Kate can see that even her father is having trouble keeping his eyes off Ellery. Poor Dash. They've got to do a better job of giving him attention today.

"Rick," she murmurs, snags him by the elbow. He glances at her and she hands over Ellery, even though she really doesn't want to. Might be good though, the way the weariness has hit her.

Castle jostles the Spiderman, hands it back to his mother who is corraling all the gifts in one place. He takes Ella from Kate, their hands overlapping on the blanket, and then Kate shifts on the bed, her fists in the mattress, trying to adjust to the lack of Ella, the exhaustion.

"Dash, come here, baby." She holds out a hand to him and immediately Dashiell abandons his present and crawls up the bed to her side. Kate sighs and cuddles him, rubbing her fingers over his ear, his neck, kissing his forehead as he snuggles in close.

"Merry Christmas, Dash," she whispers, nudging his nose with hers.

"Eskimo kiss, Mommy," he whispers back.

Their eyelashes brush and mingle, soft feathery touches at her cheek. She grins at him and kisses him for real, a loud smack to make him laugh.

He curls in at her side and Kate draws her fingers through his hair, over and over, can't help touching him, filling her arms with him instead of Ella.

When she glances up, everyone in the room is still, eyes riveted to them, similar expressions of tenderness, but it's Rick's face that makes her heart hurt. She tries to smile at him, and he smiles back, but he's got watery eyes.

"Hey," she mutters at him. "Christmas. Come on. Who's next?"

"Mommy, you go," Dash says from her shoulder.

"I think Alexis should go," Castle interrupts, grabbing a gift and handing it over to his daughter with a bright grin. Oh, yeah, Kate remembers this one.

Allie glances around, meets Kate's eyes as if for permission, then shrugs and rips through the paper. She opens the box and pulls out the tshirt Castle got for her months ago. He was so gleeful wrapping it.

On the shirt is a stick figure of a girl, polka dot dress, bow in her red hair. A littler girl beside her. _I'm the Big Sister_. It matches Dashiell's _I'm the Big Brother_ shirt. It might fit, just barely.

Kate grins at her, lifting an eyebrow, and Allie finally laughs, holding it up so everyone can see.

"Dad, this is-" She pauses, bites her lip even as she chuckles. "It's atrocious."

"It so is," Kate laughs. "It's terrible, isn't it? Your dad bought them for you both."

"Well, looks like I'm so smart, doesn't it? Who else knew we'd need them today?" Castle says, grinning at her.

"Thanks," Allie says, rolling her eyes. But in the next moment, she's shrugging the shirt on over her long-sleeved black hensley, adjusting her hair. She gives Castle a huge grin, and Kate can see that she's actually rather proud of it.

"Looks good on you," Kate says softly. Allie turns her head and shares a look, one of those sparkling smiles, then holds her arms out to her father for the baby.

"My turn then. Give her up, Dad."

Kate snuggles Dash closer and watches as Allie holds her little sister. Martha is already there with the camera, taking another picture. Martha has been surprisingly amazing - she's been there for Kate, done everything Kate needed before she knew she needed it.

"She's asleep again," Alexis says on a laugh, lifting her eyes to them.

Dash struggles in Kate's arms, sits forward. "Hey. Do I get a turn?"


	7. Chapter 7

**In My Life**

* * *

Dashiell ignores his presents, holds his hands out to Allie. "My turn?" he pleads again.

Rick glances at Kate and she looks as stunned as he feels; she wraps Dashiell in her arms and hugs him, murmuring in his ear.

"Yeah," he says quickly. "Dash, it'll be your turn next. Okay? Let Allie get her turn."

Dashiell nods against his mother's cheek, but Rick notices he's still clinging to her, an arm wound around hers. Castle leans his hip against the bed next to Dash, gives the last of the present to his son.

"Last one, buddy. We still have all of Santa's stuff at home."

Dashiell opens the last gift, and he clutches the horse and knight to his chest, his eyes so huge. "Oh, Daddy."

Kinda puts into perspective his equally dramatic reaction over his new sister. Kate is giving Rick a look - like she gets it too - and her lips press into a slight smile.

He leans over and ruffles Dash's hair, helps him open the plastic and cardboard of the box. Dashiell takes the knight off his horse, then the armor as well, piecing it back together slowly.

"Oh," Kate says suddenly, curling her hand around Castle's forearm. "I have a present for you-"

"I think I'm set, Kate."

She laughs, but her eyes turn tender, her thumb brushes over his wrist. "Flatterer. But I love it."

He swallows hard, wishes they were alone, but she shakes her head and brings the back of his hand up to her lips, a soft kiss.

"Your gift. I put it - oh, I forget." That tendon in her forehead pulses as she frowns, her bottom lip gets sucked between her teeth.

Castle laughs, pulls Dashiell up so he can sit in the bed next to her. Dash whines at him and flips out of his arms, curling back into Mommy. Kate takes him with a wince, shakes her head at Rick when he tries to pull Dash away.

"Ha. I don't remember. I hid it so many times." She looks disappointed.

"It can wait till we all get home," he says, brushing his fingers through the hair falling down at her neck. She sways into his touch, her eyes drifting shut. "Hey, you tired, babe?"

"Mm, little bit."

"I bet," he murmurs, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "You mind everyone in here? I can-"

"Don't mind," she whispers, lifting her lashes to look at him. Smiling. Her eyes track to Ellery, still in Alexis's arms, then she shifts back to look at him. "I might fall asleep anyway."

"Go ahead, love."

Her cheek drops to his shoulder, her arms loosen around Dash. The boy glances back in surprise, then looks over at his father.

"Mommy's tired, little man. She just made your sister, so give her a break, yeah?"

"I'm awake," she murmurs, eyelids lifting, drifting shut again.

Dashiell is giving Kate a stunned look. He wriggles out of her lap and climbs into his, arms snaking up around Castle's neck, small fingers rubbing against his skin. "Mommy break?" he whispers.

"No, buddy," he laughs quietly. "Just tired. A break like naptime."

Dash shakes his head. "I not nap."

"Not today, huh?"

"Not any day?" Dash says, eyebrows going up even as his voice does.

"Not gonna happen. But nice try."

"Hey Dad?" Alexis is drifting closer, holding Ellery, her smile wide. "Dash. Want it to be your turn now?"

"Oh my turn," Dashiell says, bouncing excitedly in Castle's lap.

Kate stirs, lifts her head. "Dash-"

"I got it," Castle murmurs at her, then shifts over so that Dash is between them in the bed. "Dashiell, legs out straight. Hold your arms out. Be very still, okay?"

"Okay," he says, his voice breathless.

Castle takes Ellery from her sister, cuddling the baby for a second, dropping a kiss to the tiny forehead. When Dashiell is quiet and as still as he can possibly get, Castle carefully places Ellery in his arms. On his other side, Kate uses her hand to help prop up the girl's head.

Dashiell stops breathing, a last long inhale as he hovers over his sister.

Rick glances up and gestures to his mother, but she's already got the camera. He looks back down at Dash, nudges his shoulder. The boy startles, jostling Ellery awake.

Those clear grey eyes open and-

they're not grey anymore.

He stares. "Oh wow."

"They're blue," she says, glancing up to Rick with a startled look. "Castle."

"I thought - she looks so much like Dash as a newborn, and I thought-"

Kate slides her arm out from their son and lifts her hand to the back of Rick's neck, her thumb brushing at his skin. "She's got your eyes."

"She looking at me," Dash gasps. "Oh. My baby. Hi."

* * *

"There are cameras outside," Castle says as he comes into the room.

"What?" she says, stirring, eyelids heavy.

"Apparently someone famous had a car wreck, DUI, and now there are all these news vans camped out down there."

"We're okay," she murmurs at him.

Huh. Okay. He lifts his eyebrow and glances to the bassinet; Ellery's asleep of course. He leans over her and brushes the pad of his finger down her nose.

When he turns, Kate is curled on her side, a hand on the railing but her eyes closed.

"Tired?"

She nods.

"You get any sleep?"

"Couple hours at a time," she says, and her eyes flutter open. "She falls asleep before she finishes feeding, have to wake her up."

"She sleeps like a Castle," he says, grinning back at Kate. He gets into the bed next to her and slides his arm under her body, pulls her against him. She settles down at his sides with a long, happy sigh.

"How's Dash?" she murmurs at his shoulder.

"He's fine, babe."

"Don't think you can slip it in there just cause I'm tired, Rick Castle."

He laughs and brushes his hand through her hair.

She shrugs her shoulders, wriggling. "Stop. Making my hair greasy."

"Doesn't matter. You're beautiful, Kate."

Her eyes open; she arches an eyebrow. "You're biased."

He hums back at her. "Maybe. You did just give birth to our daughter."

She sits up a little, frowning suddenly. "You said there are cameras in the parking lot? Wait. What day is it?"

He laughs, glad she's finally figured it out. "Yeah. Getting released today, Kate."

"Oh, yay," she sighs out, shoulders slumping, her forehead coming down to his chest. "I so wanna get out of here. And Ellery - I want her home."

"Me too. Want you both home."

She sighs again, her lips at his skin.

"Brought stuff for you. And her. Had to buy some tiny little clothes."

She lifts her head and she's grinning, deep and wide. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Your dad said he'd come by tomorrow when we're home. Mother and Alexis are staying with Dash; he suddenly has this absolute fascination with my theatre. She's putting on scenes in the living room for him."

"Oh, I bet he's rapt."

"He is. It's like baseball." Castle shakes his head and can't help brushing his hand through her hair again, smoothing his palm at her cheek. She leans into him for a second and then sits up.

"Let's get up. I wanna go."

"We have to wait for the-"

But she's already sliding out of bed and taking a shuffling step towards her bag in the chair. Her fingers run over the side of the bassinet, dip down to Ellery, before she moves on to get her clothes.

Castle watches her a moment, then shakes his head and gets up to help.

* * *

Since Rick is supposed to be writing, Kate sits on the couch in the study, Ella propped on her knees. Castle left to go get something from the kitchen, but Kate can't help being fascinated by all the amazing things that make up her daughter. The little girl's so-blue eyes are still having trouble focusing on the world, but she locks on to her mother's face and stares back.

Of course, every time Dash runs in with another toy he has to 'show' his little sister, Ellery's eyes dart to him, soaking him in. Her mouth opens, little fists move.

"Hey, look. I think she likes it."

Dash gives her a pleased, proud look and dances his dinosaur across Ellery's vision.

Castle finally comes back through on his way from the kitchen, and Kate calls out to him.

"Rick."

He stops in the doorway to grin at them, then moves forward to pick up Dash and pull the boy into his lap as he sits down on the end of the couch.

"Hey. How're my girls?"

She lifts an eyebrow, but chooses to ignore that in favor of sliding her hand down into the couch cushions and pulling out his Christmas present. "I remembered where I put it."

He laughs and leans over to take it from her, eyes on the red shine of the paper. "Thanks, Kate."

"Open it."

He lifts Dash off his lap and the boy crawls up to hang on Kate's knees, peering over at Ellery and reaching for her. Kate snags his fingers before he can poke her in the eye and gives him a little nudge as a reminder.

"Well, the box is in the shape of a tennis bracelet. . ." Rick says with a laugh.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Not jewelry. Think that's your job."

"No diamonds?" he pouts.

She lifts a foot carefully and nudges him in the thigh. "Just open it already."

He smirks at her and rips open the paper in a second. It's upside down and he turns it around, reads it silently, lips moving, and then lifts his eyes to look at her with a laugh.

He grins. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in my novel?"

"It's true, isn't it?" she says back. She found it online, one of those Google ads on the side; the plaque goes on his desk like a nameplate and it just - it felt right.

"It's kinda perfect," he says, chuckling. "I mean, it's like a twist on the Miranda rights, so it's - you know."

She grins back at him. "Yeah, Castle. I know."

He leans in, manhandling Dashiell out of his way so he can slide his fingers to her cheek and draw her in for a kiss. He tastes like chocolate, and cold, his tongue and the edges of his lips.

"You've been eating ice cream?" she laughs.

He grins, looks sheepish. "Took a short break."

"Supposed to be writing in here, stud."

"I will. I - yeah. I was thinking. Ice cream helps."

"Need some inspiration?" she murmurs, moving to protect Ella as Dashiell climbs into her lap.

"Yeah. Always up for inspiration." Castle grabs Dash, pulling him off. "But you're on probation."

She crooks her finger at his jaw, slides along his stubble to tap at his lips. "Not what I was getting at, Rick, but thanks. Needed that ego boost."

He laughs, but lifts his head to look at her. "You're not serious."

She rolls her eyes. "Hormones."

"Let me know. I can be persuasive. Even against hormones."

"Daddy, this bor-ing. Play with me."

Kate laughs, reaches out to scratch the back of Dashiell's head. "Okay, baby. You know Daddy has to write. Come show Ellery your Black Knight."

"And my dragons! She gonna love my dragons."

"Of course. And the dragons."

* * *

She stirs, the weight of darkness lifts; her eyes open.

"Kate?"

"Wha-?"

Oh, oh the - yeah. "Ella-?"

"She's hungry."

"Didn't hear her cry," Kate mutters, rolling over onto her back to peer up at them. The bed is so warm; she rubs a hand over her eyes and struggles to sit up.

Castle is holding Ellery against his chest; he shakes his head. "She didn't cry. She kinda - uh - made some funny noises."

"Is she okay?" Kate's awake now; she lifts up and raises her hands for Ellery.

"She's fine. I meant - it was funny to hear. Little - sounds. I can't explain it. But I looked over at her and she was awake."

"Were you awake?" Kate says, cradling Ella against her for a moment, making sure she's with it enough to not fumble the girl.

He nods and crawls over them to get into bed. "Just finished writing. Gonna crash, babe. Sorry."

Kate brushes her hand over his back. "No problem. Sleep."

* * *

She's just putting Ellery back down when she hears something in the living room. Straightening up, she stops to listen, but it doesn't come again.

Castle is out, heavily asleep, so she heads for the hall silently, stepping over the threshold. When she gets to the couch, she still can't place what she heard or where-

"Mommy?"

Her head swivels to the staircase. Dashiell is at the top, little face peering through the bars of the baby gate, hair mussed with restless sleep.

She sighs and heads up the stairs for him, unlatching the gate and scooping him up. "Having a hard time staying asleep?"

"No sleep," he mumbles, rubbing his face into her chest. She winces and adjusts him up a little higher, then kisses his temple.

"Want me to lie down with you?"

"Please, Mommy."

"Will do, my man."

"My baby sister sleep?"

"She is, yeah."

"I not sleep too good."

"I know, sweetheart." She cuddles him, fingers at the back of his damp neck, walks down the hall with him towards his room. They were trying to get him into a big bed and out of the crib before Ellery was born, but maybe they should've waited. Too many changes at once. Of course, she was expecting to have a few more weeks for the transition.

In his room, the darkness is so absolute that Kate has stand there for a moment, waiting for her eyes to adjust. Dashiell sighs heavily and pushes his face into her neck, his arms coming around her, fingers curling in her hair.

"You okay, Dash?"

He grunts, and then his mouth cracks open into a wide yawn at her collarbone, tickling her skin. She laughs a little, huffing out a breath, and strokes her hand down his back as sight slowly begins to fill in the edges of the room. She checks his pullup, but it feels dry.

"You sleep, Mommy?"

"Not as much as I want to," she says with a little laugh, brushing her lips over his forehead.

She heads for his little bed, sliding them both under the covers and curling up around him. Dash is at the wall while her back presses against the side rail they installed to keep him from falling in the floor. He lets go of her to snuggle against his pillow, throws an arm around his teddy bear, but he stays close to her, his breathing already getting heavy.

Kate puts her palm to his back, bearing down until she hears him give a great big sigh, like pressure releasing, and she can practically feel his body melt into the sheets. His eyelids slump closed, his mouth opens, and he is so very close to sleep.

She lifts her head and glances around for his weighted blanket, finds it thrown down at the end of the bed. She uses her foot to draw it up, then slowly pulls it over his back, replacing her hand. Dashiell murmurs and his eyes flutter open; he stares at her for a long moment, and then his lids slam shut again.

Kate breathes out slowly, stays absolutely still. His weighted blanket does the trick, and within a few minutes, she can carefully slide out of his bed.

She stands in the doorway for a long time, watching over him, but he doesn't wake.

* * *

Kate stares at the slow - agonizingly slow - drip into the carafe and closes her eyes, inhaling the rich aroma. Oh so good. She needs it. Badly. She can barely stand on her feet-

"Mommy."

She feels the hand at the back of her knee and glances down. Dashiell peers up at her, frowning in the light filtering through the kitchen.

"Hey, my man."

"Where my baby sister?"

"Asleep. With Daddy."

Dash presses his cheek against her in a rare moment of stillness, and Kate leans over to cup the back of his head. His hair has gotten longer; it falls into his eyes. She scrapes it back as he looks up at her.

"Just you and me," she murmurs, her chest constricting at the burden of his sleeplessness. He's too much like her.

"What you doing, Mommy?"

She crouches down and scoops him up, puts him on the counter to sit in front of her, his body bracketed by her arms. "Waiting on my coffee, little man. I need it to wake me up."

He glances over at the coffeemaker, reaches out for it, but Kate snatches his hand back.

"No, baby. It's hot."

"Can I have?"

She wrinkles her nose. "Uh. Well. I don't think you'll like it. Very strong taste. Bitter. I can make you something else?"

"Something like you?"

Her mind races - fits and starts - as she tries to come up with a substitute for-

Hm. That could work?

"We can make you some hot tea, baby."

"Hot tea?"

"Yeah, just like coffee, but not as strong."

She reaches over his head to open the cabinet, hunting for tea bags, but she finds a container of Sanka instead. Actually, that might be a better idea because it's actually coffee. Decaf and instant, and she can make it pretty weak too. The tea might be pretty strong for him.

"Okay, look. This is instant coffee, Dash." She brings it down in front of him, shaking the container. "But it's much better for kids. You'd like it."

"Yeah," he breathes out, his smile lifting at the corners of his lips. "I have hot tea."

She grins and places a smacking kiss to his smile. "Well - okay sure. Hot tea. Let's make it. You and me, little man."

She microwaves a mug of water for a few minutes - barely warm that way - and then places it and her own mug on the counter in front of Dash. She pours coffee for herself, replaces the pot, and reaches for the Sanka.

"Here, little man. A small spoonful. And drop it in."

Dash sticks his tongue out and carefully scoops the fine grounds into the spoon. It trembles as he holds it over his mug and then he drops it in slowly. Kate grins to herself, waits on him to finish.

"Okay, good job, baby." She brushes her hand down his arm. "Leave the spoon in it. Let's do mine now."

Dash claps his hands together and sits up straight, wriggling on the counter. "What first?"

"Milk first." She lifts him off the counter and sets his feet on the floor. He follows her to the fridge with a hand in her pocket, his cheek at her thigh. She pulls out creamer, grabs the sugar shaker from the cabinet too.

"Can you carry this?" She hands him the carton of non-fat vanilla creamer. Dash takes it, holds it against his chest tightly as they head back for the counter.

Kate lifts him back up and sets everything in front of their mugs. "Creamer. Hand it over."

He does, wriggling with delight, and she pours it in until the black fades to rich, dark brown. "See? Can't measure it, but it has to look brown like this. That's just right for me. Want some for you?"

"I do it. Hot tea."

She hesitates, but gives it to him. He holds it in both hands and balances it over his mug.

"Careful, careful," she murmurs, hands hovering to help just in case.

He pours and she has to swoop in, rescue the creamer to keep it from flooding the counter.

"Whew, good job. Okay. That's enough for you. See?"

"Same color?"

"Close enough. Your hot tea will look a little different from mine, baby."

"What next?"

"Sugar. Just a little."

She pulls a clean spoon out of the drawer at her left, gets a small amount of sugar and lets him help her pour it in. Then she hand-over-hands his sugar into his mug as well.

"Okay, grab your spoon. Time to stir."

He leans over and they both begin stirring their coffee together. This is the quietest and most intense she has ever seen him, staring at his instant coffee as he stirs with complete concentration.

When they're done, she tosses both spoons in the sink and puts her son back down on the floor. She takes both their mugs and nudges Dashiell towards the dining room table. "Ready?"

"We drink hot tea?"

"Yup. Come on."

He follows her to the chairs, clambers up on his knees in the seat, hands on the table as he waits for her. "Hot tea," he says with relish.

Kate sets his mug in front of him and sits down, leaning forward. "Okay baby. Try it."

She wraps her own fingers around her coffee mug and holds it to her lips, takes that first long sip, feels it burn down her throat. So very good. She sighs and opens her eyes to find Dashiell watching her intently.

He moves for his own mug, wraps his fingers around it, brings it to his mouth. No hesitation; Dashiell just gulps it down. When he pulls back, his grin is so wide that Kate's heart flutters.

"Ahhh," he says, and she realizes he's modeling his behavior after hers.

"Good baby?"

"I like hot tea."

"Yeah, it's pretty good, huh?"

"You like it, Mommy?"

"I love it."

"I do love it too."

She leans forward, presses her hand to the back of his head so she can kiss him. "Love you more, baby."

"All the time."

She rubs her thumb over his cheek and he wriggles under her touch.

"You didn't say it, Mommy."

"Say what, baby?"

"All the ways."

"Oh, sorry. Mommy's not awake yet. Love you. Always, baby."

He smiles, ducks his head as if he's suddenly shy, then he climbs up onto the table and monkeys over into her lap. She has to shift her mug away to keep it from spilling, her other arm grabbing Dash with a laugh.

"What're you doing, wild man?"

He kisses her cheek loudly and leans back against her arm, his dark eyes so bright on hers. "I do have hot tea with you, Mommy."

"You do. And we can do this again, if you want to. Then you and I can make some breakfast."

"Yeah!" He grins and then cuts his eyes to the living room. She turns to see Castle bringing Ellery out of the study and her smile grows wider.

Dash tugs on her and she glances back to him.

"My - my baby has hot tea?" he says, and his face looks reluctant, his whole body poised on the edge.

Kate squeezes him tighter, drops a kiss on both of his cheeks. "No, my man." When she pulls back, a surprised pleasure flits across his eyes. "No. Just you and me, Dash."

Dashiell's chest puffs up and he wraps both his arms around her, face against her cheek, giving her a wet kiss.

"Just you and me," he echoes. The joy in his voice is unmistakeable.

* * *

When Castle finds Kate again, she's on the floor of the nursery with Ellery in her lap; tears are pouring down her face, soaking her shirt.

"Kate," he breathes out, dropping to his knees beside her, hands brushing her cheeks.

She shakes her head at him, gives him a weak smile, blinking as it spills over her eyes.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?"

She clears her throat, reaches a hand up to wrap around his wrist, kisses his palm. "I'm okay."

He cups her cheek and kisses her softly, eyelids and cheeks and nose. "Don't seem okay."

She sucks in a shaky breath, curls her fingers tighter around his arm.

He glances down at Ellery, but she's asleep, oblivious, her little mouth open against the mint green and brown polka dots of her blanket. He wonders if he should put Ella in the crib up here while he takes care of Kate.

She shakes her head against him. "I'm really. I'm okay."

"Talk to me, Kate."

He sinks down on the floor beside her, tugging her against him. She comes slowly, her arms scooping up the baby and sharing Ella with him. He cradles Ellery's head, laces his fingers through Kate's under the baby.

When he glances over at Kate, she's managed to stop the tears, though her eyes still shine.

"I love this room," she says after a moment.

Castle glances around in surprise, trying to see whatever it is she does. It's Alexis's old room, her bed still here and pushed to one side. The pink and purple crib stands empty on the opposite side; the walls Alexis and Rick painted a pale lilac - Allie's idea. His daughter also framed a couple of family photos, and already one his mother took in the hospital is up over the crib.

"You - okay. I'm glad you do," he says carefully, looking back at Kate. "Alexis wanted you to love it."

"My mom and I painted my room the summer before ninth grade," she says softly. "Same color."

Oh. Oh, he didn't - it was a surprise from him and Alexis, and he remembers the look on her face when they showed it to her. He didn't realize what it meant.

"Kate?" he says and squeezes her fingers under the baby.

She turns and her whole body collapses into him, her face against his neck, fresh tears.

He shifts until he can wrap his free arm around her, hanging on. "Kate, love, talk to me."

Her lips move against his skin, her words are wrenched from someplace deep. "I miss my mom. I want my mom."

Oh, God. Oh Kate.

He struggles to keep Ellery balanced even as tries to curl Kate into him. For once, he has no words, nothing he can say. But-

"Kate. I'm so sorry. I would do anything-"

She takes in a sharp breath and shakes her head. "I know. I know. I'm - I'm crushing the baby." She pulls back, her hands going to Ellery, cradling the girl against her chest.

Castle adjusts his hold on his wife, keeps her close, his fingers curling in her hair and pulling it back from her face.

She gives him a better smile this time, even though it still looks shaky. "I'm not falling apart. I promise. I'm just. A little overwhelmed."

He leans in to kiss her forehead, murmuring, "You're a mom to a daughter now. I understand."

She nods. "And I - I love her so much. My mom would love her."

He takes a long breath and glances down at Ella. Still asleep. He strokes a finger over the top of her head gently.

Kate leans into him suddenly, mouth at his. "Rick. I - thank you. Thank you for my little girl."

Oh, Kate. "I love you. You've given me everything, love. You never need to thank me."


End file.
